A Marvelous Mess

not one of them

I’m not one of those. One of those people who seem to get what they want, who seem to know what they want. One of those who seem to look exactly how they want to look. You know, these people who seem to own their lives? I’m not them. Life seems to just push me to places, like force me to do things wich I’m not even sure I want to. I try to enjoy them at the end of the day, but it’s a struggle. I’m not these people who feel comfortable, who seem to care about the details of themselves. These people who seem to always be at the most appropiate place, at the most appropiate time, presenting themselves just right, just you know…with everything just on point. I’m not them. These people just seem to be able to be what they imagine it’s cool to be. They just seem to get to places where they want to go and see the things that they want to see. I used to tell myself I couldn’t do that because of money and opportunities…But I’ve realized that’s definitely not the case…I’m just not one of those. I’m not. Maybe I’m lazy, maybe I’m just too sad and that’s what keeps me from being one of them. I don’t know. All I know is that I just can’t imagine myself being like that. I think that means it’s not possible to me. I stopped having dreams, goals…I feel bad about myself but I believe that’s just the way it is…I just have to get used to it and know what’s the best way to deal with that. It’s sad, cause it’s a struggle. It’s like constantly telling yourself you’re not that bad, some people like you, you have a boyfriend who seems to love you…constantly warning yourself…not allowing yourself to fall deeply into the boredom that suffocates you…I’m not one of those who seem to not need to tell themselves all that. I think anybody should have to, cause it’s too much…But that’s the way it is and I think the sooner I accept it, the better. Yes, it’s a negative way of living, but it’s the only way I know.

lelaid:

Magdalena Frackwiak at Givenchy Haute Couture, Spring/Summer 2007

lelaid:

Magdalena Frackwiak at Givenchy Haute Couture, Spring/Summer 2007

(via c-eznja)